Monday, March 19, 2007

That chump.

Yeah, Bacon of the Month Club, whatever. It's like Onstad just discovered the post office. That amateur.

I'm sorry, I ain't all about hatin'. It's nice to see the guy spread his wings a bit. I say this with a tummy fulla' echidna banh mi, of course. Had my boy Vi Hao air drop 'em out by the bridge; I was coolin' it in the Caddy, watchin' for his long-short-long tailsmoke. Player even threw in some salt dung-cured Shetland short ribs. Love that guy. I know he takes a loss on those, what with all the trimming, so the gesture was super-large. Gesture was krackety. Dude has pride in those ribs. All dungy. So tasty.

Good luck with your bacon, Onstad. Good luck mattering, that is. Bacon ain't exactly news in recent centuries. Whoops, there I go again. Why I so crotchety? Oh yeah, it's 'cause Onstad's frontin'. Dude has some new bacon the way a kid joins the cub scouts: just weird circumstances, no real passion.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007


Man, today was TOTALLY unimportant! I just did COMPLETELY regular stuff. Here, let me lay it out for you -- it's so boring, it's almost hilarious:

1) Got up. Didn't want to, but sometimes a player just has to roll with the punches. Tried to be humorous about it, all makin' a pile of shavin' cream and then throwin' Tylenols into it. Kind of made a mess.

2) Had to throw away my new talkin' pedometer durin' a round of golf at Seven Pines. Just as I was drawin' up into my backswing, the thing busted out with all this calorie analysis chitchat, and Mayor C sprayed me with his Coors. Honestly, this was my bad.

3) Saw a dude farmer-snottin' behind the bank. You know, pushin' one nostril shut while blowin' the payload outta the other one? Anyhow, I saw that.

That's about it. Hope you had a good day, or are havin' a good day, or whatever (I know some people in Australia read this).