That chump.

Yeah, Bacon of the Month Club, whatever. It's like Onstad just discovered the post office. That amateur.

I'm sorry, I ain't all about hatin'. It's nice to see the guy spread his wings a bit. I say this with a tummy fulla' echidna banh mi, of course. Had my boy Vi Hao air drop 'em out by the bridge; I was coolin' it in the Caddy, watchin' for his long-short-long tailsmoke. Player even threw in some salt dung-cured Shetland short ribs. Love that guy. I know he takes a loss on those, what with all the trimming, so the gesture was super-large. Gesture was krackety. Dude has pride in those ribs. All dungy. So tasty.

Good luck with your bacon, Onstad. Good luck mattering, that is. Bacon ain't exactly news in recent centuries. Whoops, there I go again. Why I so crotchety? Oh yeah, it's 'cause Onstad's frontin'. Dude has some new bacon the way a kid joins the cub scouts: just weird circumstances, no real passion.