Tonight's party is gonna SUCK!
Just kidding! Man, tonight's party is going to tear six kinds of new ass. First of all, the theme is Machete Madness. I have all these machete-based activitites: a timed contest where you hack your way through a length of simulated forest, a doner-kebab where you machete your own meat off the wheel, a machete arts teacher, a booth where you can buy all sorts of machetes, and a performance by Machetes de Fuego, this awesome machete performance troupe outta Quito. Since machetes seem kind of South American, I had Dimitri drop off a couple pallets of tequila, cachaca, rum, and all the fixins. Gonna make us some mad mojitos and caipirinhas! Also this mornin' in the Tasting Lab I worked up a recipe for a new drink called the Piso Mojado, which has three kinds of mezcal and icy grape purée. It gets you donked in a hurry.