What's goin' on with Tina, etc
So I guess it's been a while since I last blogged. Sorry, blog. I was not mad at you. I was living my life, so I would have interesting things to say in you! Do not be mad, blog!
Okay, sorry, just being silly. Silly's the thing, though. I guess it's the main of what I want to talk about today.
Tina and I have been spending just a ton of time together, and it's been a kick. We'll walk past, like, Primo's Pizza, and just instantly we'll have the same memory of the time we had the waiter who sat down in the booth with us and made us uncomfortable. Sharing even the littlest old memories with her really made our dates special.
We went golfing (she loves to drive the cart), out to all our old haunts (Napoleon's, the Red Room, Smith & Wollensky), a few movies...we even took this pottery class together (she had read in Cosmo or someplace that making pottery is supposed to be sensual, but I just ended up ruining a really nice pair of Hermès sandals). I even stayed over at her place a couple nights, and she made me coffee in the morning. Sure it was instant French Vanilla, but I wasn't complaining.
Just a couple little things have been getting under my skin a bit, though. First of all, I mentioned that she is on Atkins, and at first it seemed like no problem, but over time it is a huge, I mean HUGE pain in the ass to put up with. About 99% of restaurants are off-limits, she always drives the waiter crazy when we do manage to sit down, and whenever I cook anything for her she tries to be nice but just ends up making me mad. Like the time I seared us off a couple filets mignons and set them on a little cloud of mashed potatoes with veal/Port reduction, she took the meat off the potatoes and sliced off the part that had been touching the potatoes, and then sliced off the part that the sauce had touched (I guess Port has carbs! I guess I should be on the lookout for low-carb Sandeman's!). That made me pretty bonkers, I don't mind telling you. Plus wine apparently has like one carb in it, so she didn't want any of the '97 Cakebread Pinot I had decanted, instead asking me for a vodka and diet tonic. Fortunately I had some diet tonic around from that time I was testing out my new shotgun, so I mixed it up, careful not to add a lime. I didn't even bother mentioning that I had some baked Alaska in the fridge, because I think the only part of that she could have eaten would have been the flames.
That's just a fad, though. Atkins ain't something you can do full-time, and I could wait for it to pass, but the main thing that bugs me is that she just doesn't "get" me. You know me, I'm a silly guy! If someone at a party dares me to eat a jalapeño, I'll eye the little sucker, hold it up to the light, pause, pop it into my mouth, chew, and then fall to the floor holding my throat as I convulse. A few seconds later I'll stand up and laugh with everybody. Whenever I'd do something like that with Tina around, though, she'd get embarrassed and say that I was "random." One time after a date I came into the bedroom with whipped cream on my nipples...she just looked up from Vogue and went "oh no you di'in't" and kept reading. Also, she does not at ALL appreciate Ren & Stimpy. Man, there are about fifty more instances I could give, they keep popping into my head.
OK, I'm done whinin'. I got to get plans for tomorrow's party together. I'm thinkin' maybe the theme will be carbs and 'toons.