Monday, May 16, 2005

Did I get a job at Taco Bell? Yes.

Yeah, I got a job at Taco Bell. I applied for the job, and I got the job, and I did the job. If you want to read the story, then you came to the right place.

I was puttin' a few back at the Smoke with Téodor last week, and it was one of those lazy afternoons that turns into a crazy-amped night. By about three we were into the Jack and Cokes and just all kinds of muckin' it up silly. Pretty soon he dared me to get a job at Taco Bell and I cold took the bait. We walked two blocks to the Taco Bell and I filled out an app.

Three minutes later the manager was puttin' some purple uniform shirt in my arms and sayin' mad stuff about bathroom cleansin' schedules. I acted like I took it in and I waited until he was done talking so I could go into the bathroom and put the outfit on. I looked like a complete idiot! It was hilarious, and Téodor was gasping as he took pics of me walking around behind the counter and touching different parts of the food-cooking machines.

The crazy thing is that none of the five other food-cooking employees acted like I was out of place, and every now and then I would electively squirt a dollop of sour cream out of the caulk gun onto a Taco or Bean Burrito. It kind of got me respect, in a way, to be the guy who controlled the upgrade item and used it at will.

After about a half hour the manager figured out that I was just fucking around, and Téodor had slipped me a little of his voddy flask, and I was feelin' no pain. The manager tried to corner me by the hot metal tray that keeps the Churros warm, so I pulled my sour cream caulk gun and drew a nice white-outline necktie on him.

One of the workers, a skinny boy, laughed at this but for the most part it didn't cause any disturbance on the line. We jumped pretty much immediately and walked on back to my place. I guess that I am fired from Taco Bell but perhaps I will get a bonus or a lawsuit settlement when the union does its annual union stuff.