Operation HOT S.A.U.C.E.

Man, I am already excited about tomorrow. I figured out tonight, the theme of the party is gonna be “Hot Sauce!” This is mainly to imply that people will have a hot time doing the various hot activities I have planned, but also that spicy foods will be served, all of which feature my custom hot sauce. Did you know that I have a custom-labeled line of hot sauce? Yeah, you can buy that stuff here. Waterbury actually thought this up as an idea for a party, to expose people to more of my merchandise. He's a pretty swift kitty, you know. Got a lot under the hood.

So for hot activities, there's gonna be a kissing booth, and I rented these two hot people to give kisses. As part of the kissing (a $5 upgrade over the basic $5 admission) you can each do a shooter of my hot sauce over an oyster before you kiss. That is so brilliant. The man is this hot cut dude who looks like he plays a lot of volleyball, and the lady looks like she could be on a TV show, like as the hot neighbor who plays a lot of beach volleyball when she's not being a model.

The other hot activity is a dance floor. I got this band, Paprika, who agreed to come play. Their website said they do this "erotic zydeco" type stuff, "ga-ron-tee" to make the people grind 'em if they got 'em! On the phone the guy said something about mardi gras, and that's all I needed to sign on the dotted line.

Oh, and as potentially a third hot activity I am going to write on a piece of paper that the pool shed is a make-out room. I will put a bowl of Durex and little single-serving packets of lube in there, along with a scented candle and a clearly marked trash can (the last thing I need is a bunch of Banana Slugs on the floor).

Food's gonna be awesome! I hired the guy from Sedona Mona's to bring his bbq trailer up, and he is making a special sauce based on my hot sauce. Also I got the guy from Fat Stan's to come and cook up some crawdads, gumbo, mashed potatoes, asparagus, all that crazy stuff.

Should be a good time! We're gonna have tables with my hot sauce for sale at all the exits, at a slight party discount.