My favorite personal sports

Alright, so I ain't gonna lie. I stone cold do not enjoy jogging, or distance swimming, or marathons, or most of the other main ways of keeping in shape. They are amazingly boring, to the point where someone should write a coffee table book that examines why the main popular exercises make you want to bury your feet in cement and hop off a pier. What we need in this day and age are some sports that are fun, where you don't even notice the time passing. I give you:

1. Badminton.
Everyone, but everyone, can play badminton. It is like tennis, but the birdie is way less crazy and doesn't bounce all over the place if you miss it. You can almost always get to it before it lands. And the court is smaller than tennis, so you won't turn into a big grouchy jerk with spine problems, like Ivan Lendl, who is way rough on his kids.

2. Tomato Tennis
Alright, so you're reading my blog, and you're like, "what is Tomato Tennis? Is that a thing from Letterman?" No, man! It's my fun sport that I invented. The idea is that you stand almost thirty feet away from your friend, and they have their mouth open, and you try to throw ripe tomatoes in. Ripe tomatoes are extremely soft, and cannot cause injury at any distance. If you get a tomato in, you have scored a Tomato Tennis Point. Three points wins the match.

3. Kites
You may laugh, but a kite can be a real calorie burner. You ever get one of those suckers up into the air and then just follow it for a few hours, like a sky-dog? I'm not mainly a dude who will say to ingest LSD, but a healthy serving of THC will serve as a great gateway to deciding to see how a kite acts over a period of several hours.

I'd write more, but I want to go downstairs and eat some fresh gourmet hot dogs that I bought today. I got these specific rolls to go with them, they are just so right.