What in the damn hell is going on around here?

Yeah, so last I posted, I was hosting ENORMOUS BY RAY SMUCKLES on Friday. Huge layout for food and bev, incredible entertainment, the works. I even planned it a few days before usual, so people could clear their calendars.

Not a damn single person showed up. I had the roaming searchlights in the sky, the text messagin', the phone tree, the email service announcements, the works. Everybody with a heartbeat and one functioning iris knew about this party.

The bartender stood there, chewin' on his nails. The udon guy, Fukuya, got pissed as batch after batch of his six-meter noodles got overcooked and mushy. He cussed real often and threw the ruined food directly onto the ground out in front of his little stand. And yeah, you guessed it, we basically tossed about two grand worth of deep-fried lobster tails.

I had figured that people would be millin' and chillin' large without my presence, so I didn't have the vixens wheel me in on my gurney until about 11. Imagine my confusion as they pushed me around the empty grounds, the Cristal IV fully patched into my arm. At first I thought I was just hallucinatin' from the booze, but then I realized that the vixens were kind of acting weird, and I could tell they were not down with pushing a rich guy around his empty party on a gurney. I will be honest with you: I felt WAY awkward.

Long story short, we threw away much food later that night, and I got like no idea where everybody was. Not even my bros showed, my tight crew like Beef and T. Can you believe I actually spent some time around 2am trying to use Google to see why my party sucked?

Weird, doggs. I'm feelin' weird about all this. What in the hell?