Damn, the holidays really snuck up on me this year! I been pretty busy (readin' a lot of the magazines that have been pilin' up around my place — this is something I do at the end of every year) so I didn't even start plannin' my big holiday party until yesterday. Even still, it's gonna be a real class act! Now, my holiday party isn't a big blowout like what I usually do in the yard on Fridays. It's a classy indoor event, and I only invite about twenty of my closest crew. I don't go so far as to make it black tie, but I do ask that the men wear coat and necktie. Also acceptable is a sport coat with a nice turtleneck, since that is what Pat always wears. He refuses to wear a necktie (which if you ask me is kind of childish since a man looks damn good in a tie) because he says ties are symbols of oppression. Maybe when he sees the rude orange Hermès I'm gonna full-Windsor-up tomorrow he'll change his mind, because when I tie that one on I look nothing like oppression.
Food-wise, I got all the holiday classics. Big old pepper-crusted prime rib, roasted goose, stuffing, Yorkshire pudding, green bean casserole, cream-corn casserole, figgy-dowdy, and that nasty rock-hard spumoni like you get for dessert at bad Italian joints. I know everybody hates it, but it's my tradition, like how some folks always gotta serve fruitcake. For whettin' the whistle I'm gonna spring a few cases of 1972 Chateau Mouton Rothschild I won at auction last August. Sure, it's a pretty pricey glug, but as the old man used to say, "It don't do anyone no good in the bottle." Word up, Ramses Luther Smuckles, wherever you might be. Peace.
Anyhow, before dinner there's this nice string quartet gonna play the classics (Greensleeves, Jingle Bells, Red Toad Holler) while everybody dips into the eggnog and Hot Toddies and chats about the year. After dinner we're gonna just stay and mingle for a spell, and then I'll hand out my gifts to everyone in front of the tree. In the past it's been Segways, kitchen remodels, Ski-doos...somethin' nice tailored to each person's interests, you know. This year I'm pretty excited to give Téodor this big copper Turbot poaching pan I found at Williams-Sonoma, along with an imported Turbot. Damn, that's an ugly fish. I was lookin' at it earlier.
Alright, if I don't see you—happy holidays, all. Nice.