Monday, January 24, 2005

My health was bad but now I'm ok! Please Read This.

Damn, I went through a spell there. I was pretty bent outta shape from some Korean food poisoning from this damn Korean place we ate at, and I actually had to have my 'tomach pumped. After that my internal systems (digestion, chemistry, hormones) were all outta whack and I was having mad trouble sleeping and even lost a little weight because I had this weird phobia about food. A hamburger was not at all appealing to me, and even a simple soup contained problems, as far as I was concerned. I couldn't even eat clear stuff (Nutritionists classify this level of phobia as type 1-A) so I was in a pretty bad way. The only thing I would take in was Tums chewables, so for about a week there all I got was antacid and calcium. Have you ever taken a perfectly cylindrical pink poo? I did that. Twice. About three inches, each time. Perfect as day.

Then I decided it was time for a change.

If there's one thing that resembles a phone call from the person who is in charge of the day that you die, it is the nature of your bad stuff. You know what I mean. We got to be honest with ourselves and interpret these "tea leaves" a little smarter, 'cause they're the only "e-mail" that we get from our internal organs, man. Put some stock in that poppycock (true definition - look it up).

That's why I'm thinkin' about starting a brochure about diagnosing your own tank 'kank and learning more about what your pancreas, liver, kidneys, septulum, and stomach are doing to contribute to the nature of your taddle. Do you follow me? This may be the most important letter you ever read.

Ray Smuckles
Achewood Estates
January 24, 2005